Ministry to Family First

This weekend we loaded up the mini-van with all the kids and we made our way to Philly to visit my parents. It's been quite some time since we've spent any significant time with our parents. Combine life with five active kids and with a busy full-time ministry and you'll find that there aren't very many weekends available for travel. So going "home" is a special event.

We decided early in our marriage and in our ministry, that we would protect our time as a family. We work hard to manage a family/ministry calendar. We're careful not to allow ministry to consume or family time. And I strive to make sure my ministry time is productive, fruitful, and balanced. But while we are good at keeping our family time, we have not done a great job at scheduling time with our extend family. 

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we've allowed busyness and ministry
to become an excuse.

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We live 5-6 hours away from both of our parents. My parents live in the Philadelphia area, while my wife's parents live in the Baltimore area. It's not easy to visit. You can't just jump in the van and go. As a pastor, most of your weekends are working weekends. Through in your kids works schedules, sports schedules, and the unexpected illness and what you have left is a calendar with little weekend space to travel and visit. This is us.

Sadly, we've allowed busyness and ministry to become an excuse. We don't travel as much as we might want, nor as much as we should. That has left us with a big disconnect. Our kids have missed out on the grandparent factor most of their lives. And the grandparents have really missed watching their grandkids grow up.

But all of that is changing. Due to some health related issues, Amy and I are becoming aware of use how much we have missed not be closer to home. Even more, we are becoming increasingly aware of fragility of life. So we have decided to take a more active role in reconnecting with our families.

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It's not going to be easy. We still keep a busy weekend schedule. Our two older boys are working part-time jobs. Our number three is looking to start a part-time job. I have most of my ministry calendar scheduled through the end of July. And Amy will begin her summer job that requires she work a number of Saturdays. And our younger two, yes we have five in case you're counting, they will have their activities as well. But we're going to do everything we can to free up time to make the trips back home to see our family. It might not be a monthly event, but we will be looking long and hard at the calendar to schedule reasonable visits back so we can spend time with our parents. 

So why the blog post? Why the need to share this here? Because I think as ministry people, we forget the value of family and spending time with our parents. Sure, we here all the time, balance your ministry, save time for your family. Doug Fields used to say that he gave his wife the power of veto, the ability to look at the student ministry calendar and veto anything that seems like it might be too much. But in all of that, I don't remember ever hearing anyone say, "Hey, don't forget the parents and grandparents."

We moved away from home almost 20 years ago! 20 years!! That's a long time. I think it's safe to say, that for many of us in youth ministry, our careers have taken us away from our families. We go where churches are hiring. For some of us, we've lived in multiple states. Some of us have traveled the country; East to West, North to South so we could continue working with students. Not many of us have been blessed with the privilege of serving close to home.

I want to encourage you to think about how your time with the extended family looks. Are you visiting on a regular basis? Are you taking advantage of the time given to be off and away?

Churches and pastors, what are you doing to support your youth worker how might have family in another state or at a distance? What can you do to give time for them to visit home and be with parents and the extended family?

We preach about family and the importance of family. Maybe it's time we tale our own words and apply them to how we think about our time home.

​- jay

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Jay Higham is a veteran youth worker of over 25 years; having worked with students in the local church and Christian camping settings. Jay is currently serving as the student ministry director at a church, located in Western PA. Jay has been married to Amy for over 21 years. Together, they are raising 5 kids, (4 boys and 1 girl). Jay is an aspiring author, blogger, speaker, vlogger, and social media junkie. He is passionate about student ministry, family ministry, and training youth workers to love and serve their students with passion and excellence.